Made to Persuade: 5 Secret phrases To Make Anyone Do Anything
Humans are not always rational creatures. In fact, we’re very rarely rational. This knowledge comes in handy when we want to convince others and structure our arguments accordingly.
One would assume that people made decisions based on facts and data — this is far from the case. If it was, a lot of the discussions we’re having as a society would have been settled long ago.
The way we make decisions is based on our emotions, and then we back it up with some more or less true facts after.
Or to put it another way:
We make irrational decisions, and rationalize them after
What this means is that if we can push the right emotional buttons — not rational ones — then the likelihood that we can successfully persuade others to our point of view increases exponentially.
In the following then, let’s dive deeper into 10 of the sentences that we can use to convince others that we’re right every time
1. Do you consider yourself open-minded?
In Presuasion, Robert Cialdini talks about the fact that if you send someone down a mental chute, they will be very likely to act in a way that is consistent with that view.
What’s even more interesting is that people are inclined to look for times that they have exhibited the character trait you’re suggesting.
This means that whether I ask if you are helpful, self-confident, evil or generous you’re going to search your memory for when this was true and almost always say yes.
On top of this, there’s a concept known as spreading activation, which means that you associate concepts to other concepts.
Or put more succinctly, when you say yes to being open-minded, you will automatically associate that with numerous other concepts such as considering every angle of a problem.
This is exceptionally useful when we’re convincing others of our point of view, and when you use it, you’re level of persuasion increases exponentially.
2. Are you a data-driven person?
I know what you’re thinking — didn’t he just say that we weren’t rational and didn’t make decisions based on data?
Yes.
But most of us like to think that we’re making decisions based on all the information available, and if you ask someone if they are data-driven, they will say yes 99 times out of a 100.
Once you get them to say yes to the fact that they’re data-driven, they’re going to be hard pressed to not consider the data you’re presenting.
The reason for this is because they don’t want to come off as inconsistent. In Cialdini’s Influence we learn that there are six principles of influence that dominate human decision making and consistency is one of them.
It is a powerful trigger, and once you get them to say yes to this, you will have a much easier time persuading them based on your data.
3. How do you see this?
Keep in mind, that in every situation where persuasion is involved, the person that asks the questions are in control. This might seem counterintuitive, but as long as you’re asking the questions you’re directing the flow and direction of the conversation, and that is immensely powerful, when you’re persuading others to your point of view.
On another note, you also build a connection with the other person, because you convey that you understand them.
We all like listening to ourselves talk and our own opinions are the most important in the world. This means that when other people asks us about them, we will talk about them at length.
When you ask this question then, it enables you to build a strong bond with the other person, as well as see the world through his or her eyes.
This means that you can tailor your subsequent arguments and people points in your presentation to reflect the facts and opinions which are important to the person across from you.
Once you start seeing the world through other people’s eyes, you will be amazed at just how powerfully it can be used to persuade others.
4. Have you thought of…?
Keep in mind that humans are highly emotional creatures. We don’t like having our judgment questioned. That’s why it is paramount that when you do question another persons judgment, that you do it gently.
When you ask this question, you are leaving open the possibility that the other person has thought of this and considered it unimportant, in which case you can simply move on.
But you’re also proposing that if they haven’t considered it, then maybe there is something there, that they want to think about.
This sentence goes back to Pre-suasion as well, in the sense that if they say no, then they are going to be bound to consider whatever information you’re presenting to them. This means that you take control of the conversation, and in so doing, you’ll have a much higher likelihood of steering the conversation the way you prefer, and increase you’re likelihood of convincing them of your argument.
5. “…”
Silence.
It can be an intensely powerful persuasion tool.
When you don’t say anything, you’re inviting the other person to fill out the silence, and the more they talk, the bigger the chances that they will say something that is useful to them.
Don’t be afraid to not respond, when it’s “your turn” in a conversation. Take a pass, and see what the other person says. More often than not they will turn up something useful and valuable that you can use later in the conversation.
This technique was something that Esquire great Cal Fussman coined, and which was later adopted by Tim Ferriss. It is a great way to build rapport, and get the other person talking, even if it might seem counter-intuitive.
Part of the reason why silence can be powerful as well, is that it is unexpected — and we humans like unexpected, even if it is on a subconscious level.
Try it out next time you’re having a conversation with someone — let them talk, and whenever they pause, just nod and smile and invite them to go on. You’ll be surprised at how intensely powerful this is from a persuasion stand-point.
Bonus: Two Sentences You should never use
Now let’s turn to the phrases you should never use, because these are equally — if not more — important. We all succumb to using these from time to time. The best we can do is to be aware of them, and make sure we shy away from using them as much as we can.
“Listen to me!”
This sentence is never persuasive. When you use it, it’s like banging your head against a concrete wall. How often haven’t you fought with your partner, or parent or child, and yelled at them to listen.
It never works — and the reason it never works, is because you’re not presenting anything new for our subconscious mind to relate to. All you’re doing is engaging in a form of mental armwrestling, and it incredibly counter-productive.
“You’re wrong!”
This is one of the easiest phrases to fall back on, when we’re arguing, because we always feel like the other person is wrong, and we’re right. But the other person also feels that way.
The best thing we can do, is to keep in mind that facts are never persuasive. No matter how convincing the facts are that you present, they are never going to be persuasive if the other person has already made up their mind.
The only way to change how another person thinks is to appeal to their subconscious mind — their ideas, beliefs, sense of self and sense of family or community.
Or said another way:
“The only way to get in their head is through their heart”
