7 Habits of Highly Influential people (Number 6 will surprise you)
Persuasion — like most other things — can be broken down into a set of habits. The most successful and powerful influencers do these things on a daily basis. Let’s have a look at 7 of the most interesting.
1. They’re empathetic
Empathy is one of the most undervalued skills in our society. The ability to understand how others are feeling, and see the world as they see it is a great gift. Not only will the quality of our personal relations increase, but it also makes us more effective influencers.
This also means that we shy away from judging people, and instead try to understand how they’ve arrived at their beliefs, thoughts and opinions about life — something that is not always easy.
The reason is that when we care about other people and their problems, they reciprocate by liking us better. When people like us better, they listen more attentively to what we say, and are more influenced by our actions.
You too can become more empathetic, by making a conscious effort to understand people, and to be more attentive to what they’re feeling, and why they might be feeling that way.
It is difficult, and takes a lot of practice to get good at, but it is a key skill of highly effective influencers. You too can develop this skill, if you make a habit of practicing to see how the world looks through the eyes of others.
2. They use certain words and phrases
Most people have mental triggers, which means that some of our behavior is automatic, because it is deeply ingrained in us. Therefore, when we say certain words and phrases, we can get people to automatically and subconsciously do what we want.
The best influencers in the world use these triggers, and as a result they are much more effective at persuading people, and this means that they get better results in life than most people.
In my book Magic Words, I outline some of the phrases that you can use, to become a more effective persuader.
If you want to know which phrases you can use to make people do what you want you should read Weapons of Influence and Science of Compliance.
Words are powerful — and when you use them in the right way, you can change the world.
It won’t happen from day one, but the better you get at recognizing when you need to use these sentences, the more surprised you’ll be of the impact and power that this method of persuasion holds.
3. They Create Privileged Moments
The best influencers in the world, know that timing matters a lot in persuasion. They know that what they say matters, as well as how they say it, and they also know that what they say immediately before they make their request matters a great deal.
They understand, that if they want to give themselves the best possible chance at persuading others, they need to create what Robert Cialdini calls ‘Privileged moments’ in his brilliant book Pre-Suasion.
Creating privileged moments works like this:
Whenever we are asked a question about a mental quality we search for previous evidence where we have acted in accordance with that mental quality. So if I ask you if you’re a helpful person, you will start recalling instances where you helped others, and therefore you will almost certainly say yes.
I am going to borrow shamelessly from Cialdini to illustrate with an example — the following is an excerpt from Pre-suasion:
Communication scientists Bolkan and Andersen (2009) asked people in a mall to participate in a survey. They just stopped them and asked them if they wanted to take the survey.
As you might imagine, compliance with their request was abysmal.
29% agreed to take the survey.
To increase their response rate they asked a seemingly unrelated question before they made the request.
This question made their compliance rate shoot up to 77% — an increase in compliance north of 265%.
What is this magic question you ask?
They asked the prospect if he or she considered themselves a helpful person, to which almost everyone responded with a firm yes.
In the interest of experimentation, I tried this with my boss. I asked her to work from home, and usually that’s a no-go unless you have a good reason. Instead I asked her beforehand if she considered herself flexible — to which she naturally replied yes — and then I followed up with “Great, so you don’t mind me working from home tomorrow right?”
She said she didn’t.
From here on in, I will start using this sentence whenever I get the slightest opportunity, and I encourage you to do the same.
If you want to increase your effectiveness as a persuader exponentially, you must become a master at creating Privileged Moments.
4. They repeat their message
The best persuaders in the world repeat their message endlessly. The more they repeat it, the more effective it is. If you really want to get better at persuading, you need to focus on a key part of your message, and repeat it ad nauseum.
Let me say that again. The more times you hear something, the more likely you are to believe it. In his book Win Bigly, Scott Adams argues that this was one of the major driving forces behind Donald Trump’s successful presidential campaign.
Repeat your message to increase your persuasiveness.
We all have our opinions about the current president of the United States, and I’m sure you have an opinion as well.
Regardless of what you think of the Donald, it’s hard to argue that he was effective at convincing enough people to elect him president.
How many times did you hear Donald Trump say the word Wall during his campaign? A lot? Too much?
At any rate, it’s hard to deny that it was effective.
Whenever you have a message that you want to make sure gets through to your audience, use repetition. The more you repeat it, the more likely it is that they’re going to remember it.
When you give a presentation, you can focus in on one key tenet of your message, or even better, you can focus on a single sentence in your message, and repeat that. This way, people are going to remember it.
5. They keep things simple
Simplicity is key. When master persuaders deliver their message they make sure that it’s as simple as possible.
Warren Buffet is a master persuader, and one of his most famous quotes is this:
“Rule number 1: Don’t lose money
Rule number 2: Never forget rule number 1"
It doesn’t get much simpler than that.
When you are persuading, presenting or posing a question intended to influence others make sure that you keep things as simple as possible.
6. They look the part
Persuasion is a funny thing. It’s not always completely rational. In fact, it is probably as far from rational as possible. In persuasion, facts and logic doesn’t matter.
What matters is the suitability of the message as well as how it is delivered. How we look is part of the overall message we deliver, and we are more prone to be persuaded by people who look the part.
In business and politics this means that we are more likely to be persuaded by someone wearing a suit and tie, than someone wearing baggy jeans and a t-shirt, and when we are buying toothpaste, we are more likely to be persuaded by people wearing a lab-coat.
If you want to optimize your own influence, you must make sure that you dress for the occasion, as well as being optimally groomed. If you’re a man, this means that you’re showered, shaved, clean-looking and clean-smelling and look like you take good care of yourself.
This goes for fitness as well. People are more likely to be persuaded by people who seem energetic and healthy, because we trust that they are in control of themselves, and in turn that they can help us improve our own situation.
Let me put it this way — who would you be more willing to buy something from:
This guy?
Or this guy?
I know who I’d pick.
If you want to increase your persuasiveness, you must increase how good you appear to others.
7. They smile
Master persuaders smile. Not stupidly, and not smugly, but naturally. Because they feel confident, comfortable and relaxed — or at least know how to project that image — they smile.
And they smile, because they know that when they feel calm and confident, others are more likely to be persuaded by them, because they know that they are able to help them out with their problems, and improve their situation.
Smiling is probably the easiest way we can improve our persuasiveness.
Trust me, smiling at others is a simple and surprisingly effective way to positively impact our persuasiveness, and our general outcomes in everyday life.
These are the 7 habits of highly influential people.
