Dominate the Room: 3 Scientific ways to get people’s attention and make them do what you say

Do you want to know how to get others to do things? You’re not alone — The science of Compliance has been extensively studied in recent years, and we know have a pretty good grasp on what moves people to take action.

If you’re interested in this, you might like my most recent book on the subject.

Most people would like to be more persuasive — we want to influence people and get them to do what we want them to. Luckily, there is a science behind this. The science of compliance if you will.

When you learn these how to use these ideas, you are going to be much more effective in everyday life.

Let’s get started, shall we?

1. Liking

People are more easily persuaded by people they like. I’m sure you can think of people you are more willing to listen to than others, and I’m willing to bet, that a lot of it has to do with how much you like them or not.

There are several ways to get others to like you, but some of the most important and potent ways, is the idea of mirroring and echoing. We like others who are like us, and when you mirror someone you show that you understand them. The same is true of echoing.

Let’s look at each of them in turn.

Mirroring…

… simply means that we use the same body language patterns that the person we’re mirroring uses. Most of the time this happens subconsciously with people we are in tune with, but we can make it happen consciously when we want to increase how much the other person likes us.

Word of warning though — don’t make it too obvious, because that makes it seem like you’re mocking the other person, and no one likes that.

Another related and equally powerful weapon of influence is

Echoing

There is another effect, which is related to the mirroring effect, and that is what is known as the Echo effect (Kulesza et. al. 2013). In all its beautiful simplicity, the Echo effect simply means that when you repeat what someone else has just said back to them in their own words people tend to like you better.

When people like you better, they are going to be more likely to be persuaded by what you’re proposing, and the results from the experiment of the Echo effect are unequivocal: “Data presented here clearly show that the echo effect is an effective and robust tool for influencing the tendency of others to engage in prosocial behaviors”

Or to keep it as simple as possible: Repeat their words if you want to be heard.

How to use it

In a sense, we should all strive to make as much use of mirroring and the Echo effect every chance we get — because it is insanely effective.

I actually stumbled upon this principle by accident. One morning I was discussing something with my fiancée and it was about to turn into an argument, until I repeated something she had just said back to her in the same tone of voice. It completely deflated the situation, and we went about our business, like a normal loving couple after that.

I was completely baffled — like most people would be — and thought to myself “What the f*** is going on?” I was pretty sure I’d stumbled onto something significant — and it turned out I had.

This principle is worth it’s weight in gold, and you can use it any way you like — to deflate an argument with a loved one, to increase your rapport with a prospect or to get better service when you’re shopping for clothes.

In other words, this concept is universal, and you can apply it in any way you see fit to increase your influence in any situation and dominate every room.

One specific and very powerful way to use it, is to mirror and echo the most important person in any given room, in order to increase your influence with that person. When you do this successfully, you can greatly impact any situation you find yourself

2. Expertise

Expertise is persuasive. There is no denying that. If you are to buy a product from someone, I’d bet that you’d be more inclined to buy from someone who knows what he’s talking about, as opposed to a complete amateur.

The easiest way to make this work in your favour is to become an actual expert — or at least so knowledgeable in a given area, that you can talk on the matter with authority.

Another way to make expertise work for you, is by sounding convincing. You can speak with authority, by dropping your voice a key, and speaking from your belly-button, rather than from your throat as most people do. Speaking in a lower key is one key (I’ll show myself out), and another is to speak more slowly.

You obviously don’t want to make a fool of yourself, but you can increase your persuasiveness by talking slower and deeper, because this makes you seem like an expert.

Julian Treasure has an amazing TED talk on just that.

Trust me — it is well worth your time.

When you speak with authority, you come off as an expert, and that is insanely persuasive.

Keep in mind that most people are uncertain, and trying to navigate a world where they don’t know what’s going on half the time. This means that when you display certainty, expertise and authority others will flock to you like moths to a flame.

3. Social Proof

We humans are wired in a peculiar way. Our brains were formed in a harsh environment where fitting was the most important thing in life. Outsiders and people who weren’t able to go along with the group were left to die in the wild.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the world around us has changed quite a bit, since those days. The funny thing is though — our brains haven’t. When we don’t know what to do or how to act, we look to others for cues as to how to behave.

Therefore, if you want to get others to follow your lead, you must activate their social proof trigger.

Social proof can take a dozen forms, but some of the more obvious ones are that people from a certain company or sector dress in a certain way. For instance, if I say “Picture a Wall Street Banker” you’d get a very specific image come to mind very quickly — probably of a young man in a suit.

There are also several more subtle ways that this influences us however, such as the way we think and the expressions we use in everyday life.

If you can make yourself the person who others look towards for cues about how to handle a certain situation or how to think about a given scenario, you are well on your way.

We are easily influenced by the opinions and beliefs of others — especially if it seems to be the socially acceptable thing to do. When you form your own opinions and beliefs, you give people something to be influenced, and that is very powerful when it comes to persuading people.

Understand this: People are dying to fit in, in a group, and if you can make yourself the gatekeeper to that acceptance by making social proof work in your favor, you’ll have come a long way towards dominating a room.

These are three of the keys to influence others and dominate a room. This list if far from exhaustive however, and there are many more ways to use these three ideas, than the ones I’ve outlined above.

If you master these three skills however, you will increase your effectiveness exponentially.