You’re perfect just the way you are — imperfections and all

It is fitting that the only pictures that came up when I googled mr. perfect was a wrestler from the 90’s who was very clearly not perfect — and the guy above.

Most of us though, want things to be perfect all the time.

That’s not how the world works though

I am far from perfect. In fact I have so many imperfections I could write a book about it.

I have lied to make myself look better in front of others. I get upset too easily and yell at people, and when it happens I sometimes don’t apologize because of my too caught up with my own shit. I don’t always tell people how much I appreciate them, and I can be arrogant, aloof, indifferent opinionated and conceited.

To give you an idea of just how bad things can get — let me walk you through some of the things I’ve done in the past week that was very much imperfect.

I got in an argument with an old lady at supermarket, because she wasn’t getting eggs fast enough for my liking (asshole).

I’ve broken a promise to one of my best friends — we had agreed to run a marathon, and I chose to cancel — and now I’ve caused a rift in our relationship. I hope that it will heal, but I should either have run the damn thing, or just said no from the beginning.

Just this morning I raised my voice at my wife-to-be because she’d informed me that I’d left hair in the sink from shaving. Literally it’s the smallest thing, and I should have just said “OK, babe I’ll clean it up” and instead I yelled “Why are you always on my case?!” She isn’t.

That is just me being a dick.

All of this is despite the fact that I’ve read thousands of times that literally exactly the opposite leads to a good and healthy life. I know that to be the best version of myself I have to be honest, have integrity and treat others the way I want to be treated.

I know that.

Sometimes I’m good too I swear. But it’s not easy.

In fact being a decent human being can be really hard sometimes.

And you know why it’s hard?

Fear.

Pure and simple. I’m afraid what others might think of me, I’m afraid to fail, I’m afraid I’m not good enough, I’m afraid I’ll die without having fulfilled my life’s purpose and more than anything I’m just afraid to die without having lived fully.

It’s silly I know.

But never the less that’s how I feel.

And fear is what’s making me do all these dumb little things like telling small lies so that people will like me better or behaving in a certain way because I want to please people and fit in.

It’s affecting me in all these small little ways, and sometimes I have the mental fortitude to tell my fear to go fuck it self, and chase it off. Other times however, I don’t have that strength and I just sit here and let it eat at me.

I can’t be perfect.

I don’t think any of us can.

But I can at least stop pretending like I’m supposed to be.

I can at least embrace my fear, recognize it and look it in the eye. Maybe that’s the whole trick.

I don’t know.

But what I do know is that perfect isn’t going to happen — but maybe getting less imperfect can.