La Vita e Bella: How to Live The Good Life

I used to be ungrateful.

I didn’t do it on purpose — I’d simply not be grateful for the things I had.

I would think of all the things I didn’t have — of all the things that I wanted to have and be in the future.

Instead of focusing on fact that I had all my basic needs covered — food, shelter and safety — I’d focus on the bad things. I’d focus on what didn’t work in my job, or what I didn’t like about my relationship.

Sometimes I still forget to be thankful. Sometimes, when one of my co-workers is being a dick, or I get in an argument with my fiancee. I start thinking how much better life would be if things were different.

How much better off I would be if things changed. I’m not proud of this attitude but I’m human and it happens.

The underlying problem with all this though, is that I can’t change external circumstances. I can’t change the way my co-workers behave or the fact that I sometimes argue with the person I love the most.

What I can change however, is my attitude towards it. I can view things in a different light. I can appreciate whatever happens — Amor Fati in the words of the Stoics — and realize that only my thoughts are within my own control.

When I guide my thoughts towards gratefulness and appreciation and all the things that I have in my life that are amazing, I feel better.

When I guide my thoughts towards the fact that I have an amazing soon-to-be wife, live in a wonderful place in a free country, with plenty access to food and water my mood improves.

When I focus on the incredible friendships I have with people who are wonderful beyond measure, and who make me laugh, I realize how truly fortunate I am.

When I write it down — when I express my gratitude — something happens.

I start smiling, my posture changes, and my entire set of bio-chemical responses change.

I am not saying that I walk around like a smiling jack-ass all day, because that’s not the case.

That would be weird.

And probably unhealthy.

What I am saying though, is that I can either focus on all the things that I don’t have and how and why that is making me miserable. Or I can focus on all the things that makes me feel good, and that I am glad to have in my life.

I can either be an ungrateful SOB, or I can practice Radical Gratitude.

Which path do you think leads to greater long-term happiness?

The Science of Gratitude

In the field of psychology, gratitude is not the most studied subject. Of the few studies that have been conducted however — the results point in the same direction.

Gratitude is good.

It’s good for your mental health, your self-image and your relationships. In general it is found to improve your life on almost every measurable metric.

But let’s change gears for a minute, and look at the science of happiness.

In 1938 Harvard University undertook the largest study of adult life ever created. Since the beginning, they’ve studied more than 1300 individuals and gathered a cornucopia of data, on mental health and happiness for adults.

What they’ve found is astonishing and unsurprising at the same time.

The researchers found that a positive self-image and healthy relationships are two key factors to happiness. On top of that, these two factors contribute mightily to physical and mental health as well.

Now let’s go back and review what gratitude does.

It contributes to a positive self-image and healthy relationships.

The two main drivers of happiness. This means that gratitude is a primary contributor to happiness.

Have you ever wondered what the most unhappy people have in common?

It seems to me, that they are all extremely ungrateful. No matter how much they have, it’s never enough. They always want more. They’re greedy and they’re unthankful for the things they have.

If ungratefulness is directly related to unhappiness, doesn’t it make sense that gratitude is directly related to happiness?

I think so.

Radical Gratitude

What I can tell you from personal experience, is that I feel much better when I practice gratitude on a daily basis. When I make a point to dwell on all the things I am grateful for, and express that gratitude my day improves just a little.

Sometimes I express gratitude directly, and tell people how thankful I feel to have them in my life.

This usually happens after about 6–7 beers.

Most often though I make a point to express my gratitude by writing it down. I keep a journal where I collect my thoughts and write things down that I want to express.

Gratitude is one of the things I make a point to express each and every day.

This is what I call Radical Gratitude and it makes me happier, and improves the lives of the people I love the most — and that is the whole point.

I encourage you to try it for yourself, and see if it works.