A better strategy for Dealing With Adversity

Tell me if this scene sounds familiar: You’ve done a great job of something and someone focuses on a tiny detail, which makes you feel crappy.

Or how about this?

A colleague sends you an email with someone important cc’ed that makes it sound like you’re a moron.

This happens a lot— it’s just how the world works.

So how to deal with it?

There are several ways.

One method that I used a lot when I just started working, was to get upset.

Furious.

Like this guy:

Suprisingly, this strategy is not productive.

It is a strategy however, that I’d use whenever given the chance.

Which was often.

After one too many blow-ups I decided I needed a new strategy.

A better strategy.

Enter Stoicism and Ryan Holiday’s genius little book The Obstacle Is The Way.

You might be thinking to yourself that the lives of Stoic Philosophers are too far removed to be of any value today.

Think again.

Some of the smartest and most successful people in Business, Sports and Tech use this blueprint.

People such as Angel-investor and podcast-superstar Tim Ferriss and Super-bowl Winning Seahawks coach Pete Carroll.

In addition, insanely successful people throughout history have used Stoic Philosophy as a way to better themselves.

Thomas Jefferson died with a copy of Seneca’s Letters From a Stoic on his nightstand.

Teddy Roosevelt always had his copy of Epictetus’ Enchiridion with him.

People who are deeply admired and respected throughout history, have used Stoicism as a guiding light. People who dealt with tremendously stressful situations.

Based on this, I figured I’d give stoicism a go.

My Stoic Experiment

Usually when I think about experiments, this is what’s going through my mind

This wasn’t that kind of experiment though.

I wanted to find a better method for handling adversity than my strategy of blowing up.

Stoicism seemed like a good bet, but how should I implement it?

I decided to re-read Seneca’s Letters From a Stoic and read Epictetus’ Enchiridion for the first time.

The essence of what they teach is that the best way to handle any situation is to accept it. When you are pushed out of equilibrium, focus on returning to a productive mind-set as soon as you can.

Instead of shying away from adversity, embrace it.

But what does that mean?

It means, that when a co-worker makes me look bad, I feel the anger, but I don’t react to it. I don’t let it take hold of me.

When someone tells me something I don’t like to hear, and I get that familiar feeling of anger, I feel it to its fullest extent. Then I accept it.

What works for me is focusing on the moment. When I stay focused on what being said and done, instead of veiling the situation in my own interpretation of what those words and actions mean, I’m better off.

When I do this, anger doesn’t arise as quickly, if at all.

This strategy works for me.

Results of the Experiment

The first results are encouraging, and I will continue the experiment as long as the feedback is good.

Seneca, Teddy Roosevelt and Pete Carroll didn’t become Stoic superstars overnight. Unsurprisingly, neither have I. What I have managed to do, is implement a few key, Stoic ideas into my life, which have served me well.

The idea of staying mindful of my own temper.

The idea of reigning in my ego.

The idea of keeping my focus on the things that I can change, instead of the things that I can’t.

Most importantly Stoicism has taught me this; No matter what happens, it happens. If I change my mind about the outcome, I change the situation.

Not in the sense that I don’t care what happens to me. Because I care. I care deeply. But in the sense that the best I can do is to recognize the situation for what it is and act accordingly.

What I need to focus on is not what happens to me, but how I react to it.

That is the outcome I can control.

That is the essence of Stoicism.

That is how I deal.

I encourage you to try it for yourself and see if it works.